Exploring Five Lesser-Known Symptoms of Depression in Men

This year, according to statistics published on the World Health Organization’s website, an estimated 720,000 people will die by suicide. In America, men make up roughly half the population, and yet male suicide accounts for nearly 80% of the annual suicide deaths. Presenting an issue like this using statistics and percentages is terrifying.

It is another matter entirely when you realize that every death was someone’s son, husband, brother, or best friend. Many of these lives might have been saved if people knew how to identify the symptoms of depression in men.

Depression is not easier to handle if you have never seriously contemplated suicide. Whether depression is brief and mild or chronic and intense, it is always debilitating in some way. It also affects men and women in different ways. Being able to recognize the symptoms of depression in yourself or others could make all the difference. It could mean the difference between someone finding support and coping or suffering silently and not making it to their next birthday.

Depression in Men and Women: What’s the difference?

Depression is not necessarily a respecter of someone’s gender, but there are a few key factors that determine how differently men and women sometimes handle depression. Biology affects how differently men and women experience depression.

Research shows that the ovarian hormones that contribute to a woman’s puberty, menstrual cycle, pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause account for the significantly higher number of diagnoses of depression in women than in men. On the other hand, gender differences in the structure of a person’s brain affect their reaction to stress and influence how men experience and handle depression.

Where women tend to internalize many of their symptoms, men do the opposite. Women typically deal with depression by ruminating on their experience, feeling quietly guilty and self-critical, and going through big shifts in their sleep patterns and appetite. Men are more likely to handle emotional dysregulation with angry outbursts, thorny moods, and uncharacteristic behavior that aren’t typical of women dealing with depression.

There have been cultural jokes for decades about men in mid-life crises buying sports cars and leather jackets, but this is a helpful visual example of how men often cope with depression.

Women tend to talk about their experience with depression more openly and look for support, which could also account for the higher number of reported diagnoses of depression in women. The main reason that there are fewer reported cases of depression in men each year could be because they are stoically self-reliant, even when they are clearly not coping.

The most common symptoms of depression in men are often a confusing mix of externalized behavior that indicates something is wrong, avoidant behavior, and stubborn and sad silence.

Five Lesser-Known Symptoms of Depression in Men

Over-Commitment and Workaholism

Depression doesn’t always look like inactivity and low energy. One of the least-recognized symptoms of depression in men is overcommitment. It is countless late nights at work, hyper-productivity, extreme focus, multiple daily workouts, and an increased dedication to fitness, diet, and health. These seem like positive pursuits, but they perfectly mask the inner struggle, emotional numbness, and lack of control many men feel when they are in the grip of depression.

Deep down, you know you’re emotionally and mentally unwell. You tell yourself that if you keep pushing, you will shake it off or snap out of it. Over time, this devastates the serotonin neurotransmitter system in your brain, increasing your depression. But work not only causes depression, but it also serves as a mask for depression.

Unfortunately, despite your most dedicated efforts, there will come a time when you have nothing left to give, and you completely crash. When this happens, the feeling of being a failure is too much for most men.

Decrease in Cognitive Function and Increase in Physical Ailments

Depression affects your entire life, inside and out. That’s why it’s hard to mask or contain it for a long time. One of the most common symptoms of depression in men is also one that they can’t easily ignore. Depression often begins showing as brain fog, forgetfulness, and physical aches and pains that seem to come out of nowhere, with no medical explanation.

If you’ve been hitting the gym and feeling new aches and pains all over your body, or if you find yourself forgetting things at an alarming rate and struggling to focus, it is one of the signs that you may be dealing with depression.

Emotional Numbness

No amount of focus or distraction can eliminate that feeling of numbness and emptiness that grips you in depression. It’s all the more alarming when you’ve been trying to ignore it for a long time. When you’ve been hustling hard to meet deadlines, or when you’ve been indulgent as a way of distracting yourself, those quiet moments of emotional numbness take over.

Many men gripped by depression turn to substances or alcohol as a way of coping with the numbness or tuning it out completely. Of course, this only creates more problems ultimately, and most people know it while they are doing it.

Social Withdrawal

One of the most serious symptoms of depression in men is pulling away from people in an attempt to self-regulate or cope. It often seems like it would be easier to handle depression alone, and it can feel safer to avoid being seen as weak or defeated. The truth is that solitude and isolation are the first steps to a darker struggle, and usually the first step that most people take before ultimately attempting to take their own life.

The depressed man may become cold and indifferent to his wife, family, and friends. He withdraws and clams up. Worse yet, he may take it one step further and begin to look outside of himself for reasons for his down feelings (he hardly ever sees this as “depression”), and this could result in a lot of fault-finding and blaming of his immediate family.

The more private you get, the more internalized your struggle becomes, and the heavier the burden gets. It gets hard to bridge the distance between you and your loved ones when you have left it too long.

The simplest, most effective way around this is to determine a phrase like “It’s a dark day” to text to your most trusted person when you’re struggling the most. This doesn’t have to lead to more conversation; it is simply a way of letting your person know that you’re not okay on that particular day. Simple accountability goes a long way in dealing with depression.

Anger, Rage, and Pent-up Resentment

This symptom is the dark side of male depression. It brings pain and hardship to a lot of loved ones who must live with a depressed man and may feel trapped and controlled by his angry outbursts.

It is obvious that as the incidence of depression has increased, mostly due to the increase in the stress of modern life, so has the incidence of male anger and rage. This can be displayed in episodes of road rage, work rage, domestic conflict, and never-ending political and theological arguments on social media.

What to Do About Depression

When you have been self-reliant your entire life, it can feel as if you are betraying yourself by seeking help, or at very least, admitting weakness and defeat. The fact is that too many men have lost the battle against depression in the last few years alone, and that by not opening up, you put yourself at risk of being another statistic. It takes true strength to be vulnerable and honest, and to recognize and admit when you need help.

Getting support for your mental health is more a case of problem-solving than it is admitting defeat. You have a serious issue that needs to be fixed, and the most effective solution might take years to discover. You have a duty to yourself, your family, and your closest friends to make it through. It is not a burden you bear alone; millions of men worldwide (including many Christian men) are fighting on the front lines of this battle shoulder-to-shoulder with you.

If it feels too difficult to talk to friends or family about what you are going through, try talking to a doctor or health professional. Mental and physical health are connected, and taking care of one will help the other. All you need to do is take your first step, and the journey will have already begun.

One of the most effective ways to begin dealing with depression is to meet with a counselor as part of a long-term plan to defeat depression. The crisis of depression can be the beginning of a new and healthier relationship with yourself, your family, and God. I have had the privilege of walking alongside many men in this process and would welcome the opportunity to work with you. Will you begin a new chapter in your life today?

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. – Is. 41:10, NLT