Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse refers to a form of emotional abuse that happens when someone with a narcissistic personality uses tactics such as gaslighting, manipulation, or belittlement to exploit and control another person and chip away at his or her self-worth. It can happen in any relationship, whether a romantic partnership, a parent-child relationship, a friendship, or even a boss or workmate association at work.

The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse typically consists of the following three-phase cycle in which you are idealized, devalued, and discarded.

Phase 1

At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist is charming and attentive. He or she may put you on a pedestal or sweep you off your feet and make you feel as though you are the most special person they have ever met, in order to build a connection with you, gain your trust and devotion, and get you to believe he or she is the man or woman of your dreams.

Phase 2

Once they get you hooked, they will start using manipulative and controlling behavior to demean and belittle you, and gaslight you to make you question yourself and what you are experiencing.

Phase 3

Finally, when he or she has managed to get you under their control, break your confidence, isolate you from your family and friends, and has nothing more to gain from the relationship, they may abruptly move on, leaving you in a state of confusion and self-doubt.

Signs Indicating You May be a Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

Self-doubt

Narcissists use strategies such as emotional manipulation and gaslighting to distort your perception of reality and get you to question yourself and doubt the validity of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. You wonder if you are losing your mind and if what he or she says is true.

Confusion

You know that something is wrong but feel confused and unable to pinpoint what it is. You have trouble understanding what is happening and wonder if you are being too sensitive or overreacting.

Lack of self-worth

Narcissists constantly criticize and belittle your thoughts, choices, and actions, and minimize your accomplishments. You feel as though you have no voice in the relationship and question your self-worth.

Guilt and self-blame

You feel responsible for the narcissist’s actions, as though everything is always your fault, and you are constantly apologizing.

Trouble making decisions. You are indecisive, constantly second-guess yourself, and have difficulty making decisions.

Isolation

A narcissist will try to tarnish your relationships and cut you off from your friends and loved ones, leading you to feel isolated and dependent on them for support and validation. You feel trapped, powerless, hopeless, and alone.

Unexplained physical symptoms

You may experience stress-related physical symptoms such as headaches, unexplained muscle aches and pains, high blood pressure, digestive issues, or trouble sleeping.

Most Common Therapy Approaches

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy is based on the premise that your thoughts, emotions, and behavior are connected and that changing your thoughts changes the way you feel and act, as well.

The focus is on helping you identify, challenge, and reframe unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs that are the result of being in a narcissistic relationship, understand the dynamics that led to them, and equip you with the necessary tools and coping techniques to break free of the cycle of abuse, reclaim your sense of self-worth, and rebuild your life.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)

Dialectical behavior therapy is a more specific form of CBT that focuses on helping you understand and accept your stressful feelings and learn to react to them in a healthier, less emotional way. It also equips you with coping skills you can use when stressed or triggered, such as mindfulness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance techniques.

Prolonged exposure therapy (PE)

Prolonged exposure therapy is a specific type of trauma-focused CBT that can be helpful for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) resulting from narcissistic abuse. It is designed to enable you to gradually confront and process distressing memories and emotions in a safe and controlled way, and equip you with calming skills to keep from becoming overwhelmed by stressful reminders or triggers.

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR)

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy is a unique treatment modality that uses guided bilateral stimulation such as following your therapist’s fingers or a moving light with your eyes or listening to tones that alternate from one ear to the other, to help you reprocess and integrate traumatic memories and reduce their vividness and emotional intensity.

Next Steps: Christian Therapy

Christian counseling involves a combination of secular clinical interventions, biblical principles, and prayer. It also provides you with a safe space where you can receive empathy, validation, and biblical truth about God’s love for you and your identity in Christ.

If you would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at Irvine Christian Counseling, please give us a call.