How to Live Well with Social Anxiety Symptoms

Almost everyone has a social situation or two that makes them anxious. This could be speaking to a large group of people; mingling with others at a party, or even just walking into a room filled with strangers. Despite the discomfort, if said social situations are important to them, people eventually come up with ways to endure it and even overcome the fear.

However, if this social fear is so severe that it interrupts the normal flow of life, then a closer look at this social phobia should be sought out. If not, that person will be missing out on much.

What it’s Like to Have Social Anxiety Symptoms

Many people who suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder are not aware of it. They may feel that something is different about them; but they are not alarmed enough to seek help, passing it off as an extreme case of shyness.

Because of this, many years are spent dealing with negative social situations in life that could have been solved if help was received early on.

As discussed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition, Social Anxiety Disorder has the following symptoms:

1. Intense anxiety or fear about facing certain social situations (one or more) where the person is vulnerable to possible criticism or rejection by others. These include social interactions like meeting new people, undergoing an interview, or even simple conversations with acquaintances; performing in public like giving a presentation or classroom recitation; and even the fear of being observed in ordinary situations like drinking or eating in public.

In children, however, this anxiety or fear must not just occur when dealing with adults but also in pure settings.

2. Most of the time, these social situations provoke a level of anxiety or fear that is considered out of proportion to the socio-cultural context (e.g. other people find it strange that a person is “so scared”).

In children, this anxiety may be shown through tantrums, shrinking away, freezing, or crying.

3. These social situations are usually avoided by the person. If not possible, then the situation is endured with intense anxiety.

4. This abnormal anxiety or fear persists for a minimum of six months but may last longer. It is not just a one-time situation or something easily remedied.

5. The anxiety, fear, or avoidance leads to significant social impairment, preventing a person from functioning properly at school, work, or other areas.

6. This anxiety, fear, or avoidance is not caused by substance abuse (e.g. alcohol or narcotics) or medication. It is also not the result of another mental disorder like autism spectrum disorder or panic disorder.

7. Should another medical condition (e.g. obesity, disfigurement, Parkinson’s disease) be present, the anxiety is unrelated or is quite excessive.

Please Note: In the same way it is dangerous to self-diagnose for medical problems, one should also not do the same for mental issues. If you feel that you have the abovementioned symptoms, seek a therapist right away for a proper diagnosis.

In Case You Do Have It … Look Inward

When people are anxious, the immediate reaction is to distance one’s self from the feeling by thinking other thoughts or trying one’s best to just ignore it. Unfortunately, this is counterproductive since the source of the anxiety is not dealt with properly.

Instead of trying to get rid of it immediately, turn your thoughts inward to know more about what you are feeling. Acknowledge it is there but then ask, “What body part is feeling the anxious sensations?” It could be in the hands (e.g. tingling), on your neck and shoulders (e.g. intense aches), your chest (e.g. tightness or difficulty breathing) or in the stomach (e.g. butterflies or a deep pit).

Once the bodily response is identified, try to get yourself under control through deep breathing – slowly through the nose and out the mouth on a three count. After a minute or so, think back to what may have triggered the anxiety response.

At times it will be quite clear – you might just have come in from a meeting where you had to make a presentation or it could have been an uneasy talk with customers or even a stranger. But at other times, the source might not be so clear. Still, consciously questioning your body’s responses is better than just being a victim of your fears.

Controlling One’s Social Anxiety Symptoms

Once a person has started to take steps to recognize their social anxiety, it becomes possible to start controlling it. A helpful way is to start gauging the severity level of an attack. If your anxiety level goes up, try to number it based on your body and mind’s reactions (again, this will require much introspection). For example, you may think, “This current level is 6 out of 10.”

Once identified, take some physical steps to lower your anxiety. As stated earlier, deep breathing is the first thing to do to get the body under control. Do this while focusing on a single thing that is calming for you to help clear the mind – this could be a word (e.g. “peace,” “relax,” “breathe”) or an object (e.g. a smooth stone, a pond, a tree).

By doing so, the nervous thoughts about the situation will hopefully disappear as your mind is not thinking any more about the stressors – of course, it will take practice to achieve this.

After regaining your mental balance, it is time to consider what is triggering the anxiety and then find objective ways to overcome the fear of it. Many times, these “fears” are based on wrong beliefs (e.g. “God is punishing me for being so shy”) or an unreal future event (e.g. “I’m going to be bankrupt because of my actions”) and are therefore irrational.

A sufferer should instead ask, “What is really bothering me about this situation? Is it because I’ll give the wrong answer? Will I look like a fool if I say something incorrect? Will this person become angry at me?”

But once you have examined your thoughts, look deeper still. Many times there is a pattern to these thoughts that sufferers do not realize. Instead of just being seen as “foolish,” it could be that “abandonment,” especially by a spouse or other loved one, is the true underlying factor. If the main reason can be discovered, then techniques to combat those deep-seated thoughts can be made.

Please note: If you feel your anxiety level consistently ranks between 7 to 10 over the course of a week or two, it is important to visit a therapist. If unchecked, very high anxiety levels may condition the body to be in an anxious state (e.g. always fidgeting or having tingling sensations) which means that medication will be required to get the body back under control.

Some Examples of Managing Social Anxiety Symptoms

Here are two examples of how social anxiety can be dealt with:

Example 1: A man in his mid-twenties works at a software development company. Cubicles are grouped together according to teams. It’s the standard office with a few windows here and there. One day as he walks in, his heart starts to pound and he feels a bit woozy. He had breakfast so he’s unsure what is wrong. Instead of going up into his office, he decides to leave and does not feel like returning, not even to tell his colleagues he has a problem.

What to do: Anytime that chest pains, lack of breath, or dizziness strikes, one should first check with a doctor to make sure there is no medical cause. If medical causes are not the issue, then the person should consider the environmental causes.

Has he recently been assigned to a different team of people with whom he is uncomfortable? Has his recent work been criticized severely by his superiors? Have his colleagues been pressuring him with work or even personal concerns (e.g. need to work faster, need for overtime, asking him out for a date, borrowing money)? Has he recently had a fall out with a close colleague?

If it is not environmental, then it is time to look internally at psychodynamic contributors such as a critical parent who has caused him to have low self-esteem. Of course, in order to reflect internally, the man must be able to calm down and focus, as mentioned earlier. Hopefully, he will be able to rationalize why he is afraid (e.g. scared he will lose his job or get a demotion) and find ways to overcome it on his own.

Should this anxiety, however, continue for more than six months, then it is time to seek professional help as therapy and medication may be required. And because he may be missing a lot of work!

Example 2: A thirty-year-old woman, who is generally shy, has always felt anxious in crowded public areas. One evening she attends a party only to find her other friends could not go and the acquaintances she recognizes are too busy to join her. Suddenly, her anxiety increases so much that she decides to leave immediately, without even sampling the food or drinks.

What to do: Similar to the first example, if the lady is experiencing severe bodily reactions, she ought to first see a doctor about any medical concerns.

But if the anxiety drops and her body normalizes after leaving the venue, she ought to consider environmental triggers. Was there something threateningly familiar in the room, like the smell, the lighting, or layout? Or was there something familiar about someone there that made her afraid? Did someone say something negative that caused the fear?

If the answers to these are a “no”, then again psychodynamic causes should be looked into. But if she does not want to ruin her social life for the next few months, she may try to attend a smaller party to see if she is simply afraid to socially mingle with strangers in such a setting. This may also serve as a way to desensitize herself so that she can take small steps to overcome the anxiety of socializing in a room full of strangers.

However, if this anxiety continues on for months on end and severely affects her ability to socialize (e.g. she desperately wants a partner in life but cannot mingle with others to find him), it may be necessary to seek help.

While everybody deals with some form of social anxiety during their lifetime, it is important to face it and not fear it. Knowing more about how you respond to the fear and then taking steps to control it can really help a person move past their anxiety, allowing them a bigger chance for personal and career growth. But if the social anxiety is persistent and greatly disrupts a person’s life, then professional help should be sought.