Dealing with Abandonment Issues in Relationships

We all crave a loving and caring environment, whether it be with a romantic partner, a friend, or in our families. However, some of us struggle to find that space due to abandonment issues. Abandonment issues in relationships, which are sometimes referred to as fear of abandonment are terms used to describe people with a strong fear of losing someone or being rejected. This deep-seated fear can result in anxiety and relationship problems.

Having abandonment issues can affect a person’s close relationships as they are always operating from a place of fear and anxiety. This causes them to see problems in the relationship where none exist.

Because of this, they can become clingy or easily triggered. They sometimes interpret other people’s actions to mean they are not loved. Something as simple as a partner being busy could be blown out of proportion and be interpreted as rejection.

Signs and symptoms of abandonment issues.

Abandonment issues can show up in diverse ways. This could be in behavior, emotional responses, or methods of communication. Below are some symptoms to look out for:

• Giving too much and being overly eager to please.
• Jealousy and possessiveness in relationships.
• They are codependent.
• Have extreme fear of rejection and being alone.
• A need to control their partner or be controlled by them.
• Difficulty in trusting people, even those close
• Struggle to build intimate relationships.
• Emotionally reactive
• They can self-sabotage relationships by being too clingy or pushing those they love away.
• Difficulty in ending unhealthy and even abusive relationships.
• Struggle with low self-esteem.
• These people are overdependent on others. They struggle with decision-making or being emotionally independent.

Some causes of abandonment issues in relationships.

Abandonment issues can develop because of adverse childhood experiences that leave people feeling unsafe, unsure, and vulnerable. However, a single experience as an adult can also shake the core of someone’s sense of safety, especially if it results in trauma, which can also mean someone develops a fear of abandonment.

Children who grow up without the loving and secure support of parents and caregivers learn from an early age that people cannot be trusted and hence can leave. This results in the development of an anxious attachment style which will inform how they relate to others when they grow up. Abandonment for children can be because of the sudden death of a parent, divorce, or those who are emotionally unavailable due to substance abuse or mental health issues.

People can also develop abandonment issues as adults as a result of experiencing deep-seated rejection or betrayal. This is usually the case with issues of infidelity, spousal abuse, and or neglect. These vulnerable situations leave people questioning their sense of safety and judgment, resulting in the inability to form trusting relationships.

How to cope with abandonment issues in relationships.

Invest in relationships.

Developing healthy relationships in your life that offer nurturing and reassurance can help you heal. This can mean being more involved with your family, joining a church community, or being involved in a sporting activity. This can help in developing a support network and an opportunity to develop your relational skills.

Focus on building self-esteem.

Participate in activities that build your confidence such as sports, hobbies, and self-care as they help to build self-esteem and reduce insecurities. Be watchful of your self-talk to challenge negative thinking and practice self-compassion.

Journaling.

Writing your thoughts helps you to identify situations that trigger your fears because being aware of what triggers your fears is the first step in changing how you react when triggered.

Develop self-awareness.

Understand how the fear of abandonment is affecting your life and relationships. We can only confront that which we acknowledge.

Be assertive.

Learn how to communicate effectively, especially when you are advocating for yourself or asking for certain needs.

Seek professional help.

Going for therapy can help unpack any unresolved trauma that is contributing to having abandonment issues. You will also be equipped with tools, strategies, and skills to cope while you heal and grow.

Getting therapy will help you to explore the root causes of your fears and treat underlying issues such as anxiety or borderline personality disorder that might be contributing to the fear of abandonment.

Reach out for assistance.

Dealing with abandonment issues in relationships can be difficult. If any of these describe how you relate to other people, reach out to us for professional assistance. At Irvine Christian Counseling, we have counselors and therapists experienced in relationship issues who will provide a safe space for you to discover better ways of relating to yourself and others.