Co-parenting and Life After Divorce

The end of a relationship can stir up many different and complicated emotions, from relief, disappointment, anger, and despair, to elation. These emotions can occur all at once or at different times as you process the entirety of the relationship and how things come to an end. Life after a divorce, particularly if it involves co-parenting, means that you’ll have ongoing interactions with your former spouse.

There are a few things to keep track of when you’re co-parenting, and ways to make it as constructive as possible. Life after divorce can be hard, but you can flourish in this new season of life.

Nurturing your well-being after a divorce

The story of your marriage and divorce may have some similarities to what others have been through. One implication of this is that there are many others out there who can empathize with you and what you’ve gone through. This is one reason why support groups can be beneficial if you’re struggling with any aspect of getting divorced and living life after the end of your marriage. Talking with others can help you gain perspective on your situation.

Though there may be similarities with others’ situations, your experience is unique, and you need to keep that in mind. Some things that you can do that could help you nurture your well-being after a divorce include the following:

Self-care matters

Losing a loved one through a divorce, even if the relationship was fractious, can lead to a malaise. Make sure to take care of yourself. This means eating a healthy and balanced diet, getting good sleep, taking breaks, making sure to exercise regularly, taking care of your personal hygiene and grooming, and maintaining healthy relationships and connections with other loved ones.

Self-care also means not relying on alcohol, drugs, or risky behavior like gambling to help cope. These may bring short-lived relief but result in other longer-term issues. Be sure to also keep an eye on your finances, as divorces can be expensive and one’s income could shift due to new and different responsibilities or circumstances.

Journaling and meditation

Processing your experiences, thoughts, and feelings is important. Journaling helps you to do this, and you can keep track of how you respond to conversations, deal with emotions like anger, and gain deeper insight into how you think and feel. Taking time to meditate and reflect helps you have a better handle on what you’re feeling so that you give yourself room to process it.

Seeking help

Talking to someone like a counselor or finding a support group can be a wonderful way to help you sort through the grief and messiness of going through a divorce. A counselor can help you work through whatever emotions were generated in the process of the divorce and afterward.

Doing co-parenting well

There may be several reasons why you and your spouse decided to go separate ways. However, if you have children together, they connect you when you would otherwise not see each other again. Being able to co-parent well will depend on skills such as regulating your emotions, good communication, and being willing to compromise. The key thing with co-parenting is to try and put one’s ego aside and focus on the needs of the child(ren).

To co-parent well, it’s good to have clear boundaries. Such boundaries include being consistent in any arrangements concerning the children, having a parenting style that will work in both homes, not speaking negatively about your ex in front of the children, and not making the child choose between parents. You may also benefit from not discussing any relationships that have no bearing on your ex’s healthy parenting of the children.

Your child is likely going through their own grief as they try to make sense of what’s happened. As a parent, you can help them to walk through what’s happened, reassuring them of your love and commitment to them. Your child should not play referee between you and your ex, be made to take sides, nor should they be used to relay messages to them. Lastly, they don’t need to have negative comparisons made between them and your ex.

If you and your ex are struggling to work out how best to co-parent, you can seek either individual counseling or co-parenting counseling which helps you work through thorny issues. By talking through the dynamics at play in your relationship, you can focus on ways to communicate better to meet your child’s needs. Your counselor can also help you work out healthy boundaries and develop better conflict-resolution skills.

Contact our office and set up an initial appointment today.