Online Couples Therapy: Is it Right for You?

Since the advent of the internet, many services have been offered online. While some of these are readily accepted by the general public, others are still considered questionable due to the very nature of the service.

Online couples therapy, for example, is something that some counseling sites are offering. Though seemingly convenient, the big question for many is, “Does it actually work?”

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy is a form of mental health counseling to treat problems in a relationship. In many homes, couples deal with issues like incompatibility, lack of quality time, poor communication skills, or even psychological disorders that affect the family. The hope is that therapy can help the couple to relate and function properly so that the family dynamics will be healthy.

Therapists currently employ a variety of treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy, emotionally focused therapy, integrative behavior therapy, psychoanalytic therapy, and traditional behavioral therapy. Depending upon the couple’s problem (e.g. emotional control, infidelity, mental issues, past trauma), the therapist will use the best method or methods to solve the issue.

For those experiencing marital issues like infidelity (perhaps the biggest reason why couples seek help), couples therapy (also known as marriage counseling) has a high rate of success as the counselor is able to help the couple work through their differences to give their marriage a second chance.

The Demand for Online Couples Therapy or “E-Therapy”

In the not so distant past, online couples therapy, or “e-therapy,” was not recommended, and in some areas it was illegal. The idea then was that true, effective therapy could not occur if the clients and the therapist were not discussing things personally in the same room.

Moreover, the majority of the licensing boards at that time required that the therapist be licensed in the state they lived in. This meant that online therapy, where a therapist theoretically had access to anyone in the country, could not be recognized.

Recently, however, e-therapy has become available online as restrictions have been lifted. The main reason for this is the convenience that it gives to clients as online couples is usually cheaper than in-house therapy; there is no need to travel to the clinic, and online therapy implies more privacy. Because of such reasons, many couples are becoming interested in it.

Moreover, research (Attridge, 2011) has discovered that positive results have occurred for individuals with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, social phobias, and trauma. So in the minds of some, online couples therapy can also be useful.

Online Couples Therapy: Difficulties

Despite such convenience and positive results for individuals for e-therapy, some inherent problems exist when counseling couples online.

1. Inability to spot all the clues

A very big issue in e-therapy is the possibility of missing key clues. When a therapist interacts with their clients, there are a lot of verbal (tone, use of language) and non-verbal (shifting of eyes, body movement) clues that the therapist takes note of. The addition or lack of certain actions or behaviors may mean that something is being withheld or that something is not true.

The limitations of the screen, however, prevent the therapist from seeing and hearing everything. Because of this, key moments may be missed out which could have helped everyone involved.

2. Distractions

Another problem is distractions. As the people involved are in separate places, it is easy for both groups to become distracted by phone calls, online messages, office concerns; and most especially, problems at home. These affect the quality of interaction as trains of thought may be broken, confidence may be lost, and vital clues may be missed.

3. Wrong Mindset

In order for therapy to work, all parties involved must be committed to the process. Unfortunately, online counseling does not always feel as “real” as being counseled in person, especially to the erring partner. It is analogous to a teen being reprimanded by their parent over the phone or online – the distance barrier does not make the situation feel “serious” enough to merit full commitment.

So even though the right advice was given, if the lessons are not truly taken to heart, then nothing much will happen. In particularly delicate situations, it always helps to have the physical presence of the one who is helping so that the sincerity can concern can be felt.

4. Immediate Crisis

Online therapy is never recommended for an immediate crisis (e.g. just discovered an affair, a suicide attempt). In such situations, it is best for the situation to become stable with other forms of help before treatment, online or face-to-face can become effective.

The Verdict on Online Couples Therapy

Statistically, there still is not enough research to validate the effectiveness of online couple therapy, so more research needs to be done. But based on the abovementioned difficulties and the enormity of the problems that couples are probably facing in their relationship, it is still best to seek in-house counseling where the therapist can properly apply the counseling methods, personally.

If families are willing to set aside time to travel to theme parks and other recreational centers on the weekend, then couples should consider the importance of their relationship too. They ought to make ways to see their therapist face-to-face.

Seek the Help of Christian Counseling

Similar to what secular therapists do, in Christian counseling, the Christian counselor will apply the same methods to discover the cause of the couple’s problem and find ways for them to work together to renew the love they had before.

Most importantly, however, the Christian counselor will help strengthen their relationship and commitment to God. When God is at the center, it becomes easier for both partners to work on their marital problems as God will give them the grace and wisdom to handle their issues in the right way.

If you or a couple you know is experiencing marital issues, seek help soon. As a relationship established by God, His help is needed to restore it and make it better than before.