Abandonment issues affect both children and adults. A deep fear of being abandoned can be rooted in past trauma from dysfunctional relationships, whether affected by death, divorce, or other trauma.
Though you may feel like the fear of abandonment cripples you, God can help you face that fear and conquer it through his mighty power. A Christian counselor can also help you overcome your fear by giving you a wider perspective and hope beyond your current situation.
How the Fear of Abandonment Develops
The fear of abandonment develops when someone you trust to be there for you makes an unexpected departure from your life. Breakups, desertion, divorce, or death can all trigger these fears. The original trauma may be affecting you today, no matter how young or older when the original trauma happened.
Abandonment is a form of trauma that could impact us in many ways if we never learned too well. If you have a child suffering from the fear of abandonment, you may see signs like crying spells, angry outbursts, clinginess, anxiety, withdrawal, or self-harm.
Headaches, stomach aches, and other body pains can all be physical manifestations of the fear of abandonment. A caring Christian counselor can help uncover the source of these problems in your child and assist him or her in the healing process.
These signs can also show up in adults who have not yet processed their fear of abandonment. a difficult breakup in your adult years could trigger unprocessed childhood trauma from being abandoned before.
You may fall on either end of the spectrum in your relationships as an adult. On one end, you might be too trusting, needy, and anxious while being preoccupied with the relationship. On the other hand, you could be irritable, angry, or distant to avoid experiencing the same pain again.
Whichever end of the spectrum you may be on, you are probably feeling lonely and frustrated because those coping mechanisms block healthy connections with others. A skilled Christian counselor can help you if you feel discouraged or stuck on your journey toward healing.
Every individual who experiences the fear of abandonment feels it in unique ways because it is complex and deeply rooted. This is why it’s wise to seek counseling so you can deal with the fear of abandonment at its roots. Sessions with a Christian counselor can help you overcome this.
Leave Your Fears Behind
God knows exactly how your fear of abandonment is holding you back from the wife that he wants for you. He will help you leave your fears behind so you can embrace a new life of abundance, joy, and peace. Consider taking these steps as you journey toward healing.
Reach Out for Help
It’s rare for someone to have victory over their abandonment fears all by themselves. Because they have been a driving force in your life for many years, they might be frightening to face all on your own. However, you likely sense that until you dare to face your fears you won’t be able to leave them behind. You may have tried to face them before on your own without success, but hope is still available.
When you meet with a compassionate Christian counselor, you will have someone to help you look those fears in the eye and fight back with God’s power. One of your counselor’s jobs is to assist you in unpacking your fears and dealing with them so they can no longer hold you back. Once you do this hard but important work, you can move forward in your life with greater confidence.
Study and Meditate on God’s Word
It’s common for people with abandonment fears to struggle to trust God when someone they loved has let them down. But you will learn to trust God more as you study his word, meditate on it, and pray through its unchanging truths.
God is the only one who can fulfill a promise to never abandon you. The Scriptures below or excellent for memorization and meditation when you need to be reminded God will never leave you. Write them down and display them where you will see them often so they will become part of your thinking process.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. – Deut. 31:6, NIV
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4, NIV
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. – Psalm 27:10, NLT
For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” – Hebrews 13:5b, NLT
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. – 1 John 4:18, ESV
You don’t have to only use the translations featured here. Look up these verses in various translations and pick your favorite one. It’s good practice to write your verse on a sticky note and put it where you will see it every day, such as in your bathroom mirror.
Every time your fear of abandonment gets triggered, refer to the verse and focus on God’s truth rather than your fear. The more you do this, the faster your fear will shrink and the greater your trust in God will grow.
Pray About Your Problems
God is deeply interested in what you have to say about your abandonment fears. Talk to him in prayer as if you are talking to a friend, venting your frustrations and anxieties to him as often as you need, day or night. You will receive a fresh dose of help and healing every time you take your hurts and fears to God.
You might benefit from keeping a journal to track your prayers and note your progress. Each day you can record your hurts and prayers in a journal, then review it each week or month. As time goes by, you’ll have evidence that God is working to heal you and strengthen you. Your progress may be faster if you can track how God is at work in your life day by day in your journal.
In our recovery from abandonment trauma, forgiveness is one of the hardest things that we must do. But it’s also one of the keys to experiencing healing and receiving blessings from God. Once you get to the stage where you can forgive and let go, you’ll experience greater peace and freedom from the fears you faced.
The step of forgiveness is more for yourself than for anyone else. It does not mean that you need to reconcile with the person who abandoned you or even speak to them. It simply means that you hand the whole situation over to God, trusting that he will handle it with perfect justice in his perfect timing. You may need to forgive repeatedly as you work to release your offender through forgiveness, and a Christian counselor can guide you through this process.
Forgiveness allows you to let go of the past and step onto a new path for the future. A compassionate counselor will help you grieve for what you lost when you were abandoned. That grieving process will involve stages of denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. As you walk through those stages you can finally let go of your abandonment fears.
Choose a Healthy Path
Abandonment does not need to be part of your future even though someone may have abandoned you in the past. You can have healthy, godly relationships and learn to trust others without abandonment fears bogging you down. By seeking healing, you will gain the courage and strength to connect with new people in healthy relationships.
As you first step onto a healthy path, you will need to take baby steps of trust. A Christian counselor will walk beside you as you lay aside any negative coping mechanisms you may have and learn to increasingly rely on God as you move forward.
Christian Counseling for Abandonment Issues
Each person is affected by abandonment issues in unique ways. They can be difficult if not impossible to overcome on your own. That’s why a Christian counselor is an ideal guide for your healing journey.
In counseling sessions, you’ll gain a new perspective, practical skills to apply in your relationships, and spiritual support. Your counselor will help you handle your triggers and rely on the Bible to help you stand firm. The counselor’s office will be a safe place for you to unload your fears so you can clear out space in your heart and mind for healing. If you are ready to overcome your abandonment issues, give us a call today to set up an appointment.
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